Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Bored? Nah!


A Few years  ago,  we moved into a retirement development on  Florida 's southeast  coast.  We are living in the "Delray/Boca/Boynton Golf, Spa,  Bath and Tennis Club on  Lake Fake-a-Hachee". There are 3,000 lakes in  Florida ; only three are real.
 
Our  biggest retirement concern was time management.  What were we going to do  all day? Let me assure you, passing the time is not a problem. Our days are  eaten up by simple, daily activities. Just getting out of our car takes 15  minutes. Trying to find where we parked takes 20 minutes. It takes a half-hour  in the check-out line in Wal-Mart, and 1 hour to return the item the next  day.
 
Let me take you through a typical day: We get up at 5:00 am, have a  quick breakfast and join the early morning Walk-and-Fart Club. There are about  30 of us, and rain or shine, we walk around the streets, all talking at once.   Every development has some late risers who stay in bed until 6:00 am.   After a nimble walk, avoiding irate drivers out to make us road kill, we  go back home, shower and change for the next activity.
 
My wife goes  directly to the pool for her underwater Pilates class, followed by gasping for  breath and CPR.  I put on my 'Ask me about my Grandchildren' T-shirt, my  plaid mid-calf shorts, my black socks and sandals and go to the clubhouse lobby  for a nice nap.
 
Before we know it, it's time for lunch. We go to Costco  to partake of the many tasty samples dispensed by ladies in white hair nets. All  free! After a filling lunch, if we don't have any doctor appointments, we might  go to the flea market to see if any new white belts have come in or to buy a  Rolex watch for $2.00.
 
We're usually back home by 2:00 pm to get ready  for dinner.  People start lining up for the early bird about 3:00 pm, but  we get there by 3:45 because we're late eaters. The dinners are very popular  because of the large portions they serve. We can take home enough food for the  next day's lunch and dinner, including extra bread, crackers, packets of  mustard, relish, ketchup and Splenda, along with mints.
 
At 5:30 pm we're  home, ready to watch the 6 o'clock news. By 6:30 pm we're fast asleep. Then we  get up and make five or six trips to the bathroom during the night, and it's  time to get up and start a new day all over again.
 
Doctor-related  activities eat up most of our retirement time.  I enjoy reading old  magazines in sub-zero temperatures in the waiting room, so I don't mind.   Calling for test results also helps the days fly by.  It takes at  least a half-hour just getting through the doctor's phone menu. Then there's the  hold time until we're connected to the right party.  Sometimes they forget  we're holding, and the whole office goes off to lunch.
 
Should we find we  still have time on our hands, volunteering provides a rewarding opportunity to  help the less fortunate.  Florida has the largest concentration of  seniors under five feet and they need our help.  I myself am a volunteer  for 'The Vertically Challenged Over 80.' I coach their basketball team, The  Arthritic Avengers. The hoop is only 4-1/2 feet from the floor.  You should  see the look of confidence on their faces when they make a slam  dunk.
 
Food shopping is a problem for short seniors, or 'bottom feeders'  as we call them, because they can't reach the items on the upper shelves. There  are many foods they've never tasted. After shopping, most seniors can't remember  where they parked their cars and wander the parking lot for hours while their  food defrosts.
 
Lastly, it's important to choose a development with an  impressive name. Italian names are very popular in  Florida . They convey  world travelers, uppity sophistication and wealth. Where would you rather live:   Murray 's Condos  or the Lakes of Venice? There's no difference -- they're both owned by Murray,  who happens to be a cheapskate.
 
I hope this material has been of help  to you future retirees.  If I can be of any further assistance, please look  me up when you're in  Florida . I live in the Leaning Condos of Pisa  in Boynton  Beach.

                        

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