1. The fattest
knight at King
Arthur's round
table was Sir
Cumference.
He
acquired his
size from too
much pi.
2.
I thought I
saw an
eye-doctor on
an Alaskan
island, but it
turned out
to
be an optical
Aleutian.
3.
She was only a
whisky-maker,
but he loved
her still.
4.
A rubber-band
pistol was
confiscated
from an
algebra class,
because
it
was a weapon
of math
disruption.
5.
No matter how
much you push
the envelope,
it'll still be
stationery.
6.
A dog gave
birth to
puppies near
the road and
was cited for
littering.
7.
A grenade
thrown into a
kitchen in
France would
result in
Linoleum
Blownapart.
8.
Two silk worms
had a race.
They ended up
in a tie.
9.
A hole has
been found in
the
nudist-camp
wall. The
police are
looking
into
it.
10.
Time flies
like an
arrow. Fruit
flies like a
banana.
11.
Atheism is a
non-prophet
organization.
12.
Two hats were
hanging on a
hat rack in
the hallway.
One hat said
to
the
other: 'You
stay here;
I'll go on a
head.'
13.
I wondered why
the baseball
kept getting
bigger. Then
it hit me.
14.
A sign on the
lawn at a drug
rehab center
said: 'Keep
off the
Grass.'
15.
The midget
fortune-teller
who escaped
from prison
was a small
medium
at
large.
16.
The soldier
who survived
mustard gas
and pepper
spray is now a
seasoned
veteran.
17.
A backward
poet writes
inverse.
18.
In a democracy
it's your vote
that counts.
In feudalism
it's your
count
that votes.
19.
When cannibals
ate a
missionary,
they got a
taste of
religion.
20.
If you jumped
off the bridge
in Paris,
you'd be in
Seine.
21.
A vulture
carrying two
dead raccoons
boards an
airplane. The
stewardess
looks at him
and says,'I'm
sorry, sir,
only one
carrion
allowed per
passenger.'
22.
Two fish swim
into a
concrete
wall. One
turns to the
other and
says,
'Dam!'
23.
Two Eskimos
sitting in a
kayak were
chilly, so
they lit a
fire in
the
craft.
Unsurprisingly
it sank,
proving once
again that you
can't
have
your kayak and
heat it too.
24.
Two hydrogen
atoms meet.
One says,
'I've lost my
electron.'
The
other
says, 'Are you
sure?' The
first replies,
'Yes, I'm
positive.'
25.
Did you hear
about the
Buddhist who
refused
Novocain
during a
root-canal?
His goal:
transcend
dental
medication.
26.
There was the
person who
sent ten puns
to friends,
with the hope
that
at least one
of the puns
would make
them laugh.
No pun in ten
did.
:o)
